Lonely in the Meeting. Lonely on the Walk Back

Loneliness is a byproduct of rejection of your vision, and rejection simultaneously feels like defeat when it’s tied to goals that require permission.

We create relationships with outcomes, and those outcomes are woven into our identity; so much so that when someone says the outcomes of the thing we built are wrong or need reshaping, we begin the biggest fight within with betrayal that is both personal and private.

Needing permission makes rejection lonelier than regular failure because of the amount of success we have invested in the outcomes of the vision.

The sun rises and sets on our connection to the things we build, and it’s only natural to connect time to self-inflicted shame that our mind will sometimes render as an attack on our person.

This is identity extension at its finest.

When I was raising capital for my startup back in 2015, I went into rooms and absorbed rejection on behalf of people who were counting on me; I had incredibly smart people on my team. It became my responsibility to walk back to perform optimism so their belief wouldn’t collapse– and in turn, I was lonely in the meetings and lonely on the walk back to optimism.

When we spend a significant amount of energy, time, and personal control over an object, we automatically fuse that object with our sense of self. Loneliness is the entry fee, not the full experience – because unchecked, it turns into resentment.

Allow loneliness access to you so you can turn it into power. Power doesn’t always look like saying the right thing. Sometimes it’s the crying you do while continuing to pursue the thing.